Of course, we are constantly justifying to different kinds of people so, for convenience, I have categorized the different justifications into people groups, beginning with the most common.

A. SPOUSES

In dealing with spouses it is always good to focus on the financial ADVANTAGES of collecting dolls. Remember that approach is everything.

Spouses don’t usually want to know about doll purchases so, out of consideration, it is best to tell them about them only when asked. When you must justify, here are a few time-tested favorites:

1. Investment. It is common knowledge that the $15 Shirley Temple dolls of the 1930’s are now worth hundreds of dollars. Why, your doll collection could buy you a brand new house in about 60 years!

2. Joy. Everyone wants their spouse to be happy. It’s part of the North American way of life. The advantages of having a joyous mate are countless (and we won’t bother to count them here. You all have boundless imagination!!!)

3. Mental Health. How many man hours of work are lost these days due to mental health days??? When you think of the millions of dollars that this costs the country, how can you ignore the mental health benefits of one little doll (OK, they aren’t all little and there is very rarely only one of them but –hey- go with it!).

4. Financial Benefits. Many people, these days, use dolls as models for potentially very lucrative sewing careers (all right, so my nose grew a little on that "lucrative" part. Help me out here.) Many dolls can be purchased for a future (sometimes very future) sewing career. It is wise to buy them now, while the prices are low (see point #1.), even if you do not intend to start sewing within the next fifty years.

5. Cure for Shop-aholism. Many men complain that their wives spend all too much time and money in the shopping malls. Collecting dolls gives a potential shop-aholic some focus. Impulse buying in the malls all but stops because the collector is far too busy surfing the internet and pouring through catalogues and doll magazines.

B. CHILDREN

Whether your children are grown or small, there are advantages to them of having a parent who collects dolls.

6. Quality Time. This need little explanation. What could be more important in nurturing a relationship with your child than to play dolls with her (or him)? When they are grown, you can model for them the joy of letting your inner child out to play. As a secondary benefit, you may also be providing them with a source of laughter and possibly a much-needed scapegoat to accommodate their own sick need to project guilt onto others.

7. Service. Children learn by what they see and, if they see their parent bestowing all their time, affection and money on a little plastic person, well, chances are that they will do the same thing. Of course, it doesn’t hurt if the collector’s energies go into sharing some of these little plastic people with less fortunate human children.

8. Nurturing. Need I say more. It is my opinion that the reason that the female of the species is the more nurturing of the two sexes is that she, at some time in her life, played with dolls. This justification can also be used in Part A. Spouses, for the obvious spousal benefits to our doll-induced nurturing nature.

9. Representationalism. What could be more touching than a mother who buys a doll because it reminds her of her beloved child, mother, husband, butcher, teacher, bus driver…..It is our way of expressing our love and appreciation for those who are so dear to us.

Sometimes our need for justification expands to our more outer circles, including in-laws, friends, bosses, co-workers, more distant relatives and complete strangers that you meet on the street. There is a more all-encompassing phrase for all of them and that is "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS". In cases where this retort is not effective, there are some other justifications that can be used to build understanding.

C. IN-LAWS

10. It keeps me off the streets. I’ll say no more.

11. Takes out frustration. I’ve found it to be quite effective to point out to them that it is far better for you to take out your deep-seated rage on a vinyl creature than it is to do the same on certain humans that you might find disagreeable and nosey (just as an aside, the presence of an unusual number of dolls, strategically situated, has been know to discourage overnight visits).

12. Practice for grandchildren. In-laws, as well as parents, find a certain degree of relief in the thought that you have practiced child care on vinyl babies before you touch their precious grandchildren. Of course, in the event that you might fall in Mrs. McCoughey’s footsteps, it is a good idea to have many babies around, just to prepare you, mentally, for that eventuality.

D. CO-WORKERS

13. Work Efficiency. Studies have proven (ok, well, studies COULD prove) that hobbies, such as doll collecting, improve the mental abilities of workers and therefore improve the collector’s productivity, focus and ability.

14. Joy in the Workplace. Many doll collectors have used their dolls in the workplace to creative a happy and fun work atmosphere, thereby increasing the productivity and quality of life for everyone involved.

15. Eliminates Gossip. While everyone else is gathered around the water cooler talking about who did what to whom, the doll collector is spending her coffee breaks and lunches surfing the net, leafing through doll magazines and sending emails to doll friends.

E. FRIENDS

16. Opportunity for World Peace. This is a serious one. When we collect dolls, we are giving our friends the opportunity to see that all creatures in the universe are unique and walk to their own beat. This creates better understanding between people and other living beings. Greater tolerance for others is the key here and buying dolls allows the collector to facilitate in this big lesson.

17. Sharing. True friends are always looking for ways to please each other and what better way could there be than to have a friend GIVE a doll to a doll collector. Another important factor to this "sharing" component is the sharing of pictures, online, of the dolls that we have purchased. In order to do this, though, we must first purchase the dolls. Yes, sharing is of a spiritual nature and transcends any petty concerns about money and other trivial matters.

18. Will to Live. What higher form of friendship could there be than to introduce our dearest companions to this compelling activity. We could very well be saving their lives from an existence of drudgery and sadness.

F. COMPLETE STRANGERS

19. Hilarity. What better epitaph could the doll collector ask for than for it to be said that, for even just one moment, she brought the element of hilarity into the life of a complete stranger. … to know that, while she was carrying her baby doll, in a front pack, through the infant section of Walmart, that she was distracting some unknown person from the gray life of ordinarity (I just had that word registered with Webster’s) and giving them one moment of undiluted, hearty laughter. This noble act cannot be measured in the dollar cost of any doll.

20. Conversation. Let’s face it, carrying a doll in a public place can break communication barriers that might never have come down, especially when two or more doll lovers are involved. They will talk for tens of minutes about how good their babies are, where to buy the best clothes and, of course, all the raised eyebrows that they’ve seen in their travels.

Up until this point, we have discussed the most practical and earthly benefits of buying dolls. The human heart seems to have the need to justify everything that gives it pleasure. In this next section, though, we will discuss the more metaphysical aspects of collecting dolls.

A. ANGELS. Have you ever noticed how many dolls depict angels? Compare this to some other hobbies such as motorcycling, Dungeons and Dragons, video games, street racing, hunting, fishing and many more. Which of these hobbies is St. Peter going to let through the gates first?

B. BEING. So many of the world’s philosophies and religions emphasize the importance of simply BEING, without justification to our existence. Doll collectors exemplify this in the best way. In the highest sense of things, there simply is no justification for what we do, therefore we are truly living in the BEING mode. We are having fun without the sense that we have to earn it (at least, by the time you finish with this comprehensive list, you SHOULD be!)

C. HEAVEN. We’re already there.

I am drawing to a close and you are probably asking, "What are the other 981 justifications that we can use. Here they are

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,

Because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because,